Don't ask
by OutSquash13
Summary: Don't even ask. I got told by a friend to write this. And here it is, one of the most random and cracky thing you shall read


The man looked down the scope of his rifle as he saw five people approach the gate, watching as three of them limped slightly.

"Oi! Wanker! Open the bloody gate!" Shouted one of the men the had approached the gate, making the man on watch look down from his tower at them.

"Yeah, I can't really do that… Rules and all. You have to tell me why you're here and who you are first, okay?" Said the watchman, the man by the gate groaning in annoyance.

"Who I am!? I bloody run this place ya Wanker!" The man by the gate shouted, the watchman rolling his eyes.

"Please sir, there is no need for cursing. I have to ask you a few questions to verify your identity firsts, okay?" The watch man said, making the man at the gate groan again.

"Logan, we don't have much longer." Said a woman in the small group at the gate, the man, Logan looking at her.

"I know I know. Oi, get your bloody commanding officer 'ere now!" Logan shouted up the tower, the watch man sighing again.

"I can't. Okay. Question one: have you are any of your group had any retires or relations with this settlement before?" The watchman asked, Logan looking up to the guy in frustration.

"Wha!? Course I do, I run the bloody place!" Logan shouted back, the guard picking up a clipboard with a sheet of paper on it.

"I'll take that as a yes. Question two: have you and or your group ever heard of a place called, New York?" The watchman asked, this time Logan just face palming at him.

"Of course we have! We're in New York right bloody now!" Logan shouted, pointing to the dirty and ruined Empire State Building.

"Point made. Question three: if giving the choice, would you chose to fuck a man-" the watchman started saying, getting cut off when Logan lost his patience and shot his head off.

"Focken' Wanker." Logan grumbled, the gates opening to let the five people in. Logan immediately walked off from the other four and walked straight to a building mark "HQ", walking in and slamming the door shut behind him.

"Ah, Logan welcome back!" A man by a desk greeted, Logan walking over and looking him dead in the eye.

"Yeah, cheers ya Wanker." Logan grumbled, pushing the man out of his way to get to the desk.

"Well, you're in a pissy mood." The other man said, walking up besides Logan.

"I'm always in a pissy mood Danny." Logan said to the other man, Danny, who laughed in response.

"True. Anyway, what did you find out there?" Danny asked, Logan grabbing a map off of a wall and placing it onto the desk.

"That a horde is headed right this way." Logan answered, grabbing a marker and drawing a small circle around on of the city's blocks.

"We are here, this is where they are." Logan said, drawing a second circle, this one much larger, so much larger, that it took up about five blocks, and was ten blocks away from the first circle.

"Well. Shit. I'll get everyone ready." Danny said, turning to a mic that was sitting on the desk.

"Attention everyone, we have a massive horde coming straight for us. Women, the Elderly and Children please take shelter, and any able man take a weapon and get ready." Danny said into the tannoy's mic, Danny looking out a window to see that everyone had listened to the message.

"Also, stop putting dipshits on watch." Logan said, Danny looking at him curiously.

"What?" Danny asked, confused to what Logan meant.

"When I tried coming in, I was stopped by the dipstick on watch and told that I had to answer questions. He bloody asked me if I knew what New York was! Who's idea even was it to make questions for people at the gate!" Logan complained, Danny coughing in slight amusement.

"Uhh, you did." Danny said, effectively shutting Logan up.

"Right. Well, no more dipshits on watch. I'll just waste a lotta ammo." Logan said, running out the door and joining everyone on top of the wall. Danny soon ran out and joined the men at the wall, taking up a spot next to Logan.

"Hey, quick question, is it double necrophilia, or just necrophilia?" Danny randomly asked, everyone on the wall stopping to look at him.

"What. The, Fock, is wrong with you." Logan said, Danny shrugging.

"Hey I was just wondering. They are already dead, so I was wondering if when we kill them, it would count as double, or if it wouldn't.

"IT WOULDN'T YA FOCKEN SICK FOCK!" Logan yelled, half of the soldiers yelling in agreement.

"Nah, I think it counts as double." Said the watchman from earlier, Logan looking shocked.

"Didn't I shoot ya in the face?" Logan asked, confused about how the watchman that he had killed was in front of him.

"I don't know. Anyway, question three: would you be able to have sex with a man-" The watchman started, his sentence getting cut off again when Logan shot his in the face multiple times, walking over to his laying corpse and shooting many more bullets into him. Mainly in his head and balls.

"Here they come!" Shouted a random guy, pointing down the street, everyone looking to see that a giant horde was coming. Everyone stared in complete terror as they watched all of the texters stumble towards them, all of the texters walking straight to the gate.

"Oh Fuck! We got Vloggers! Someone shouted, pointing to a texter that had a million other texter's following it.

"If only some guy could make an EMP blast!" Screamed a random woman that looked as if she was from the nineteen seventies, everyone looking at her in confusion.

"Fock off!" Danny and Logan shouted and the same time, the woman running off.

"Well. I guess this is it. We don't have enough ammo to take on this many." Danny shouted, everyone groaning.

"We would have more if somebody would stop shooting random people." Said the watchman, everyone else looking at him in surprise. All of the people with guns quickly aimed at the watchman and fired, all of the bullets disintegrating him.

"Alright then! Last stand time. It's not as if some giant spaceship is going to come out of nowhere and take them all out-" Danny started saying, stopping when randomly, a giant spaceship appeared and crashed into the ground killing all of the texters and Vloggers.

"What the fuck!"


End file.
